The icing on the cake...

So Jayden just informed us that his friend asked him for some money...and he gave it to him. He has been saving his money for a month now and just GAVE some of it away. Gawd. I'm not sure about birthday parties.....

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Yesterday we had Jayden's birthday party here at the house. For the most part everything went well, until we opened presents. Gavin was right across from Jayden and as Jayden opened gifts, Gav took them and put them in a pile. As soon as Jayden finished it turned into a crazy free for all. Jayden was occupied by THE gift that thrilled him to pieces and was playing with it and wasn't even aware of what was going on. 4 of his friends dove into his pile of stuff and started ripping and tearing everything open. Even boxes that you re-use for certain toys couldn't be re-used because they were being madly torn open right from the middle. We kept saying you need to ask Jayden if he wants you to open that. No one would listen to us and in the end almost all of his stuff was open and all over the place. They even wrecked one toy by running it over repeatedly with another toy. Fucking insanity. So after everyone leaves Jayden was kind of upset because they opened everything, mixing things and building things for him and in one case wrecking something. It felt so disrespectful, most kids left with their goody-mugs (which I was really proud of) without saying thank you or anything. Just silently putting on boots and walking out, leaving their moms to say thank you. So today we have to pull out the ruined boxes and try to match pieces with their instructions figure out how they work. I don't know about this. It makes me want to be done with the birthday parties. I felt like I put in this huge effort and was faced with kids who complained about what I had planned for them (christmas crafts for their tree's to take home), destroyed the gifts they had brought for Jayden and just ran crazy through my house for 2.5 hours. Maybe I had too many kids? There were only 9 total, so that doesn't seem right. I suppose I could be over-reacting but somehow I don't think so. What do you guys think?

Jayden Grade 4

This feels good...

I have to share something exciting. Something soooooo awesome. I'm proud to say that for the first time in 2 years I really, truly, honestly am looking forward to the holidays. Besides the sicknesses that wouldn't go away (for Gavin, that is still factual) I have had a great few months. Inside I mean. I feel calm. I miss her every day, but the pain is changing, I'm learning that I can handle it. I have a lot to be thankful for in this life, and I've been trying to remind myself of that. I have Gavin, who is my rock. Even when I am mad at him I have to try to not look at him because looking at him makes me happy, it makes me smile. That's love. I have my kids, who at times are thoroughly and completely exhausting, but they are good kids and they are my kids and I am whole because I have them. I have my dad, who sometimes can be hard to talk to and doesn't call and do the things my mom used to do, but he has my back no matter what and he loves me unconditionally. I have my sisters, who are my best friends. Then on top of all of that I have my friends who are the greatest girls in the whole world. I have few friends but fierce friends. Every one of them I love like a sister. Even my 4 kitties, who despite being hairball coughing brats sometimes, provide me with hours of cuddles and purrs. I have my health (most of the time), my family has their health (most of the time), my friends have their health (most of the time). I get to be a stay at home mom, which means so much to me. I am lucky. My mom was the icing on the cake, and it sucks when you have to have cake without the icing but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't have any cake at all. (Deep right...lol).

I have no anxiety. About anything. My mind is so clear these days that I can sit and just enjoy the quiet sometimes. I feel peaceful. I feel alive. I am excited to spend the holidays with my family, both sides of it. There will be plenty of people and plenty of laughs and delicious food. I can't wait to watch my boys open their presents. I can't wait to drive around on Christmas Eve and look at lights.  I might shed a tear this year, but it will be a tear for how proud I am of myself for coming so far.

Bullet

Since there has been a lot going on around here and so much sickness I haven't been able to blog. So the best thing for me to do to catch you up is a bullet list. Here we go.

*We have had the flu, colds, eye infection, insomnia, croup, migraines, and bad mood disorders. It has been a gross household, but thankfully I had the use of my bestie's carpet cleaner....that totally helped!

*Jayden got his report card and he did really well. When it comes to their attitudes etc they are graded by excellent, commendable, good, poor...and so on. Jayden got excellent for "demonstrates polite and respective attitude". How is it that he doesn't listen and is pretty disrespectful and often get's in trouble at home but at school he is this perfect boy. BRING HIM HOME I say. (I think I was the same way though)

*Evan's favorite word is fart.

*Jayden's favorite word is fart.

*MY panties are HANGING off my butt. I have now been steadily working out for 3 months. I feel amazing, and half the time it doesn't even  feel like work. I was told by someone "I need your willpower!!" But I honestly don't think it's willpower. For me it was just finding the right work out and the right partner so it doesn't seem so much like work.

*I haven't weighed myself yet and was planning on doing the deed for my Christmas present to myself but I think I might wait longer. We'll see. I don't want to get hung up on how much I weigh. I'm a tall girl so I may never be happy with the number on the scale. I want to be 110....but that's not healthy for a girl who is 5'10".

*I have completely finished my Christmas shopping. Including stocking stuffers!!! Buh-bye malls!!!!

*I already know one gift I am getting for Christmas from Gavin and I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!
   KITCHENAID MIXER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*We started watching Lost on DVD a few months ago and I have completely lost interest in it. I really, really liked it in the beginning but honestly I can only allow myself that kind of confusion for so long. I feel stupider every time we watch an episode now because IT IS SO CONFUSING. Yet, I won't let Gavin finish it without me. Poor guy always wants to watch it and I never do. Sorry babe.

*I am really considering pre-school for Evan. I didn't think it was necessary for Jayden, but I have a different feeling about Mr.Evan. I think he could definitely use the practice. He doesn't do the whole sit and listen thing very well.

*Why are new babies so gosh darn cute???? Makes me want another one. Gross.

*I took part in a baking exchange with 7 other ladies and I'm not going to lie. So much is already gone. I have to bake more so I have goodies for Christmas. Good thing I work out.


That's all I can think of for now :)

Just when you think it's gone...

Gavin is in our room dying of the flu now. At least he knows where to puke though, that's a bonus!! This is the last person in this house to get the flu though so I have my fingers crossed that it will stay away after this!!

Mission:Impossible??

Well, I hope it's possible but knowing my kids this is going to be a fight. One that I am determined to win. I have decided that after my poor kids have gotten every illness under the sun for the past month or so (ear ache, head ache, sinus cold, croup, viruses, FLU) that it is time to tighten my belt and do whatever it takes to make them healthy- although Gavin says they did it on purpose so they would have it all done with for the holidays.

If you know my kids, you know they are dicks when it comes to eating healthy food. They are both extremely picky, especially Jayden, honestly I think Evan isn't as fussy it's just that he wants to emulate Jayden. So it's always the same around here, apples, bananas, sometimes they'll eat strawberries. I never feed them junk food, as a matter of fact I think I'm probably going to get into shit from my MIL because I never feed the kids all the gosh darn chocolate she brings them....she just found out when Jayden told on me. So, anyway I sat down with them and compiled a list of any fruit or veggie they will eat and have challenged them to eat 4-5 servings of each a day. I know that still isn't the recommended but I have to start somewhere. I have cut it all up and bought dip and made it really accessible to them.

I don't understand where I went wrong with them, I always have encouraged healthy eating and never allowed much for junky foods. I always blame myself for this, even though I kinda think they are just too fussy for words.

Another thing I have done to go ahead with mission:HEALTH is I cleaned the boys rooms from top to bottom. Like walls, floors, shelves, not one thing one their rooms went without being wiped down. There is NO smell in Jaydens room and as of late it had a pretty funky smell going on, which I thought was gross little boy smell...turned out to be a rotting juice box hidden behind something. The juice box was a brand I never buy so I have no idea how long it was festering there. Ugh.

Hopefully all of this and taking their daily vitamins will start to make a difference. I can't handle any more sick kids. Just before I go, do you want to know how many times I had to scrub puke off the floors last week? FOUR!!!!!!! Soooo gross.