Forgiveness....

I had a boss when I was a teenager who I loved. I looked up to her. We used to meet all the time for coffee, she used to come to my house. We used to talk on the phone. I always thought the world of her. After I had Evan it got a little harder to keep in touch but we made the effort. Then my mom died. People came out of the woodworks to express their sympathy, except my old boss. She called my sister a few days after it happened when she saw it in the local paper, saying she couldn't find my number and could she please have it. Sister said she was crying and really upset. But she never called.

I don't know her reason. I'm sure she had one. I was really hurt by this snub. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't call. It has now been over 2 years and I haven't spoken to her. At all. I don't know what happened.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and heard a "Hey!! Tell that kid to slow down." (Evan was hauling ass in front of me). So I turn around to see who has the big balls, and it was her husband and daughter. So I stop and chat with them and find out that her husband has been really sick, and the doctors don't know why. He looked horrible, which was a shock to me because he was such an authority figure in my life. He has lost weight and he speaks kind of slow, his coloring isn't good. He thinks that if they keep forcing tests on him it's going to kill him. His daughter was agreeing and looked so scared. I felt so bad.

I wonder if it's time to let go of my hurt and contact my old boss. I feel like she might need people who love and support her right now. I know a thing or two about sick people and how hard it is to watch. I wonder if what happened when my mom died was that she just didn't know what to say. Then the days/weeks/months and now years have gone by and I bet she feels like shit when she thinks of it but now it's been so long she doesn't know how to apologize. Now her husband is sick and I want to be there for her.

I know where she works, and so sometime soon (when the roads are safer, which is not the case right now) I am going to go in and see her. I know I'll cry. I know she'll cry. I look forward to the wonderful feeling of forgiveness.