Didn't see this coming...

Or maybe I did. I went to the doctor this morning because since last Friday I have been having trouble catching my breath. I feel like I can't complete my breathing, you know how when you take a deep breath you get that satisfying feeling when you're done? Not me. It got so bad the other day that I thought I was going to pass out. Talked myself through it though and stayed upright. Thank god. I had asthma as a child, a mild form of it but still asthma. Recently there have been huge fires in BC and the smoke traveled here and it was pretty bad for a while and my breathing issues started while it was so smoky, so I thought it may be my asthma returning, brought on by the smoke. So after deciding that this is important and Miss.Nevergoestothedoctor decided to finally go today. Turns out that it very well may be asthma again, BUT it wasn't brought on by the smoke, doc said if it was, it would have gotten a little better by now as the smoke is gone. Doc said it was very likely brought on because of stress and anxiety. Asked what I have that I might be stressed about. I mentioned my mom died almost 2 years ago. I also mentioned that I've been stressed out when my kids act up lately. He said it's quite likely my mothers death is eating me. You might never know if you met me, but I CONSTANTLY am thinking about my mom in the back of my head. It just took 2 years to rear it's ugly head...in the form of breathing issues. He said it may even just be pshychological (sp?) and I may try breathing excercises but that since I had asthma as a child it could also be that. So I have an inhalor. So a little of that and a little calm the fuck down and hopefully I'll be on my way back to health.

On another note, after Gavin left for work when I got home......I lost it. Bawled like a baby. I'm kind of ashamed that I let it affect me like this. I am so worked up because of her death that it's affecting my health. Shit. Made me mad at her all over again. Look what you did to me mom. Thanks a bunch.